Seducing Kijin sama
by Cattastrophie
Summary: In which Reishin examines the benefits of thorough hypothesis-testing. a Reishin/Houjyu oneshot. Saiunkoku Monogatari does not belong to me and any legal infringement is unintended.


Prompt: 10 ways to seduce Kijin

**Seducing Kijin-sama**

In a euphemistic turn of phrase, Reishin was mildly displeased. In turn of phrase that was brutally honest and not the least biased, Houjyu was a man who appeared to be governed by all the morals in the world, when in fact he had none. Reishin had come to a seething conclusion that Ko Houjyu was a complicated bastard for popping into his thoughts and distracting him in every other way possible.

He had a 40-page accounts report to complete and a certain bastard was insistent on making random appearances in the recesses of his imagination, under not-so-random circumstances. Reishin expelled an angry lungful of air, flicked silken hair over a shoulder, and gripped a doomed inkbrush in his fingers in a way which suggested said inkbrush had personally offended him.

"If I don't finish the damn report by this afternoon and stop thinking about Houjyu, I- I'll never see Shuurei again!" He announced, voice trembling; the stone tablet, window-frame and the cat lounging upon said frame were a silent and disapproving audience. ".. No, no- too harsh- I'd sooner kiss a frog- or Houjyu- than give up seeing Shuurei! -Burn down the manor? But then Shouka-aniue would be hurt and I'd sooner stab myself- or kiss Houjyu- than do that! The gods, I-"

Reishin halted in his muttered monologue and leapt from his chair, eyes widened in stark, horrified realization.

"At this rate, I'm bloody well _doomed_ to _kiss Houjyu_!"

The inkbrush snapped in a resigned manner.

"I believe I'd have to turn that down," offered the aforementioned in languid amusement, his voice dripping honey.

Reishin took all of three seconds to realize Houjyu had vaulted the walls, seduced his guards, and thwarted his locked chamber doors to appear in dangerously close proximity to address his ear. He settled on the most eloquent and elegant retort he could think of.

"DON'TDOTHATDAMMIT!!"

Houjyu smirked. "Do what," he asked, his smile embodying all the glow and radiance of half-naked angels playing harps. "Thi-"

Reishin neatly sidestepped Houjyu, back faced to the other, gloating man. For a long-drawn moment there was a silence which suddenly struck Houjyu as slightly ominous. _Well now- Reishin's tolerance of my subtle wit has never been high, but today hardly took two sentences. Perhaps I should go easy on him and withdraw- _

Reishin whirled round to face Houjyu, and lifted his head slowly to reveal a feral smile and eyes glittering with a purposefulness Houjyu had only seen for one other kind of activity.

_-Damn it, too late. Offer immediate surrender, or run for it! _

Reishin placed hands atop the sleek mahogany desk and slid his fingers across, leaning towards the other, now-uneasy man.

"I think I've got the perfect solution to my problem," Reishin informed gleefully to Houjyu, whom, naturally had not the slightest idea what he was on about. "But it is, of course, a hypothesis, and all hypothesis need experiments to confirm their worth, do they not?" Reishin's voice had lowered a notch, and Houjyu's brow twitched, despite himself.

"- for dramatic effect," Reishin explained impatiently, before resuming his plans for dominion. "It's hot, the weather today, do you not think?"

Houjyu was about to snap a reply with contents comprising mainly of "middle of winter", "fool" and "waste of time", when an inkbrush mysteriously dropped from thin air, onto the ground. "How distressing, I seemed to have dropped something precious of mine," Reishin said, with no hint of distress in his intonation.

Lithe fingers loosened the unforgiving collars of his robes, and Reishin found the need to stretch vigorously and _most thoroughly_, arching his head back to reveal a long column of ivory throat, before bending down to reach for his inkbrush. Fingers curled around inkbrush, he drew himself up. Houjyu blinked and glared stubbornly at the piece of white wall behind Reishin.

_Subject has taken interest in visual stimulus. Progress with secondary test. _

Houjyu's uneasiness grew as Reishin swept round to his side of the table and, taking full advantage of Houjyu's confusion-shrewd-suspicion, shoved him neatly on the chair. Gathering up loosened robes, Reishin proceeded, to Houjyu's mounting bewilderment, drag a long, handsomely-carved full-length mirror from the side of the chamber and deposited it, panting slightly, in front of where the other man was forcibly seated.

The damned idiot found it somehow necessary to stare right into Houjyu's eyes while dragging a hand down his neck to gather the perspiration that had formed. Houjyu, with tremendous effort, turned his eyes away and made as if to rise-

-and found, to his utmost dismay, that Reishin had somehow managed to waltz gracefully behind him, pressing his shoulders down. Houjyu managed to reign in whatever insults he badly wanted to let out. He sent an indifferent glance up at the standing man, only to find a white-teethed, curved-lip smile thrown back at him, full-force. Houjyu cursed fluently in his head.

The radiance of Reishin's smile then would have blinded the aforementioned naked angels. _Oh yes, stimulus. _

"My, Kijin-sama, you seem unnaturally tense today." That voice again, husky and lowered slightly from his normal pitch. Houjyu swallowed. _Audio stimulus level one, check._ "A massage, perhaps? You wouldn't turn down your dearest friend of this most excellent offer…"

Houjyu noted, while trying very hard not to make audible sound as warm fingers slid against the side of his neck and kneaded his shoulder muscles, that the bastard was ridiculously good at giving back-massages. A purely clinical statement, of course.

Reishin's fingers deftly undid ties holding Houjyu's mask, then slid beneath Houjyu's suddenly-stifling robes and _pressed_. The mask fell, and the sudden jerk between the other man's shoulder blades told him he had achieved the desired effect. "Relax," Reishin purred, and Houjyu distantly wondered why there was a need for the other man's tongue to slide against his ear when addressing him. His thoughts turned into static shock, however, when Reishin's talented fingers held his wrists down against the arm-rest, and warm lips pressed against his carotid artery.

Houjyu insisted Reishin 'stop whatever the hell he was doing' several times with increasing desperation, but was altogether unconvincing, what with Reishin's hands moving south eliciting stifled gasps he insisted were unobtrusive sneezes. _Tactile stimulus, check_

Houjyu's alarm grew as Reishin moved lower still, dropping smoothly to his knees under the desk. The gong sounded to announce the hour for lunch, and footsteps of servants could be heard approaching.

"_Reishin,_" Houjyu hissed as his _dearest friend_ curled his fingers around him. He choked back a moan, just as a knock on the chamber doors sounded. 

"Reishin-sama, we have your meal ready. May we enter?"

"No," growled Houjyu unconditionally, panic building. Reishin leaned forwards, underneath, and did things with his mouth that changed the answer speedily to-

"_Y-yes_! "

Houjyu froze, horrified, as the chamber entrances opened, and a courtier bearing a tray of food entered.

The courtier stopped, taken aback by an unmasked Chamberlain of Tax and Treasury with colour high on his cheeks and hair tossed to a side. Houjyu strove for a coherent explanation.

"Reishin is-" here Houjyu cursed and bit back a moan. "-indisposed, for the moment. He'll be- _Kami_- he'll be coming soon," he finished, and could _feel_ the other smirking even while he was doing things which felt unspeakably good, hidden beneath his own desk.

The hapless courtier placed the tray which was threatening to slip out of his grasp onto a nearby bench, and retreated in haste out of the room, wondering why the official was unmasked, loose-robed and seated in a very odd position indeed on Reishin-sama's chair, with a strange expression on his face.

Reishin pulled free of Houjyu as soon as the chamber doors had closed. "I've a task for you," he murmured. "Look into the mirror and tell me what you look like, afterwards, when I do _this_-"

Houjyu gripped the chair till his knuckles turned white and bit down hard on his lips.

Reishin slid out from under the desk a few minutes later, eyes bright and lips crimson. Houjyu wrenched open his mouth to give a furious remonstration, but found that Reishin was quicker, stealing all the breath Houjyu had left in his lungs for a decidedly non-platonic kiss.

Reishin grinned to himself, satisfied. _Tests complete. Hypothesis a complete failure. Though tests have not done anything to help examiner in his distraction, they have helped to distract subject as much as examiner. Experiment a complete failure. Will need to repeat as many times as possible to ensure accurate reading of results. _


End file.
